From Marriage To Mascara

Ah, the New Year. The glorious changing over of the old year into a new one; a time for shluffing off the old and stepping into the new with a renew attitude and a legal pad full of goals. BOOOOO!!! {insert thumbs-down emoji here} The truth of the matter is this: I am OVER this whole New Year’s resolution trash-talk. As of last Thursday, I am 37 years old, and in those 37 years, I have yet to meet a single individual who bettered himself/herself because of a New Year’s resolution. I mean, just think about it. At what point have you ever kept a goal that was forced upon you? I bet there are at least four of you reading this right now who, two years ago, vowed to spend the rest of your life eating kale, only to have eaten kale exactly once since then. And what about those who spent $250 on exercise outfits (what a ridiculous, costly phrase that is: exercise outfits), only to get roughly 12 drops of sweat in them. They sure look pretty folded neatly in that drawer, though. All matchy-matchy and expensive. And clean.

So instead of this resolution nonsense, this once-a-year goal-setting that is doomed before it’s begun, I’d like to propose something a little different. What if we were to spend our years in continual self-reflection and self-awareness? Now stick with me for a second. Hear me out, oh lovers of the resolution. Instead of one single goal at the start of the year that’s based on whatever the latest Facebook or Instagram fad is, what if we invited the Holy Spirit to work within us CONTINUALLY as we go throughout the year, so that as we live our lives, the Spirit helps us grow and change, prompting us to take note of those strongholds we need to loosen and those Christ-like traits that need further developing? Wouldn’t that be a better use of our time and energy? By the time that year was over, our spiritual maturity would be at an all-time high, and there’s no way our relationship with God wouldn’t be stronger. Plus, as an enormous added bonus, this Spirit-breathed self-awareness would give us many opportunities to sharpen our ability to hear from God. How is this not better? Isn’t this partnership not much more likely to improve our minds, bodies, hearts, souls, diets, attitudes, habits? And guess what….no kale! This is clearly a win-win, people.

In the spirit of the self-reflection that catapulted me onto my soapbox, and because of the change to a new year and the birthday I just had, I’ve spent some time recently thinking about what lessons I’ve learned and plan to carry with me into 2018 and the age of 37 that I didn’t have a decade or more ago. I know those of you who are older than I am have probably learned these lessons years ago. Some of you who are younger might even know a couple of these yourselves, but perhaps you need a friendly reminder or, even better, maybe you can learn from me without having to make the mistakes that go hand-in-hand with the learning. So, without further ado and in no particular order, I present to you Life Lessons with Lindsey Thomas:

  • Coffee is a miracle drug! Where has this glorious bean-water been all my life?! It wasn’t until I became an exhausted mom that I started drinking coffee each morning, and heavens to Betsy! How I lived all those years without it, I do not know. Not a coffee drinker yourself? Those of us united in the Brotherhood and Sisterhood of Coffee Addicts will pray for you.

 

  • WEAR SUNSCREEN! We have zero ozone. Zero. We cannot have this willy-nilly lifestyle of sun worship and skin neglect. Ladies, get out of the tanning bed. We have spray tans now. Trust me, it’s all fun and games now, but once you hit 35-ish and those fun little sun spots and wrinkles start showing up, you will remember this and you will wish you had listened. RIP to those four moles I lost because I, too, thought I didn’t need sunscreen in my youth. Learn from me!

 

  • Slowing down and doing something well and the right way is totally worth it. From marriage to mascara, taking the time to do our lives right the first time is worth it. Being in a hurry creates issues and heightens our chances of mistakes. In this fast-paced world where we are constantly rushing to get to the next thing or complete the next life step, there’s value and beauty in slowing down and doing things fully. Trust me, you’ll never be successful putting on mascara in a hurry, and relationships aren’t built overnight. Solid foundations take time, and giving them that time is worth it. It’s perfectly okay to slow down and not move at everyone else’s pace.

 

  • A sacrifice (of yourself, your time, your energy, your money) isn’t a sacrifice if you require something for it in return: recognition, attention, accolades, favors from God, etc. Do you find yourself going out of your way to do something for your spouse or your kids or your coworkers only to get upset because they didn’t recognize your effort? (guilty as charged…so many times!) That behavior and the mindset that goes with it are self-serving, and if you haven’t noticed, “self-serving sacrifice” is an oxymoron.

 

  • You know those helpful (air quotes on that one!) pregnancy books such as What To Expect When You’re Expecting? Well, THEY ARE FILLED WITH LIES!! Oh my word, how is it even legal to make such false statements as, “___________ will go away after pregnancy”?? You know what are the ONLY two things that go away after pregnancy? Your youth and your ability to relax. That’s it! That dark spot on your face that came up around week 20 and that the book swears will fade once the baby arrives? How about you ask this one that’s been on my cheek for the last five and a half years what its plans are for disappearing. And guess what news I have for you about that swollen uterus they just swear will pop right back into shape post childbirth….yeah, good luck with that. Don’t get me wrong, it’s all totally worth it in the end, but I’m pretty sure we now all know who the creator of the fake news concept was. Pages and pages of lies.

 

  • I could write an entire blog post on the stupidity of the falsehood that is a thigh gap. If you are both the parent of a daughter and unfamiliar with this topic, let me encourage you to rectify that immediately. I vow we stop calling it by this ridiculous euphemism, and start calling it by its real name: anorexia.

 

  • I’m not sure if I’m just a real dumb-dumb or what, but it wasn’t until just a few years ago that I came across a novel idea that radically changed my life. Did you know that you can choose your mood?! Say what?! I spent so much time when I felt sad or angry just marinating in that emotion, waiting and waiting and waiting for something to happen that would change it into something happier and more positive. How dumb! I have awesome resources like prayer and thankfulness and praise and the Word of God at my fingertips to propel me into joy and happiness, and yet I would sit around waiting on some combination of people or circumstances to fix me. Think about how much time I wasted waiting to get happy when all I had to do was decide not to be angry or upset or down in the dumps. You choose your mood. Your life doesn’t have to be governed by your emotions. {mimes mind blowing} Just amazing.

 

  • Trust God to be God! He’s way better at it than we are.

 

  • The more you ignore God’s prompting via the Holy Spirit, the less easy it’ll be to hear Him the next time. Having trouble hearing from God about an issue you’ve been praying about for a while? Unsure what direction God’s leading you in right now? Take a moment to be honest with yourself about one thing: how many times has God laid a burden on your heart to do something (walk away from a conversation, turn off that tv show or movie, call someone and apologize) and because it wasn’t convenient for you, you decided to ignore Him? I’ve done it countless times. And the Bible tells us that every time we ignore God, every time we know we’re being tapped on the shoulder by the Holy Spirit and we choose to actively ignore Him, the tenderness in our souls that’s required for hearing God’s “voice” is calloused. Immediate obedience smooths away those calluses and keeps them away so that we can clearly hear God speaking.

 

  • Are you a female between the ages of 16 and 29? If so, listen up! This one’s for you. WEAR EYELINER PENCIL WHILE YOU STILL CAN! You don’t know this yet, but there will come a day when it’s next to impossible for you to use that eyeliner pencil. That skin around your eye will no longer be delicate and pulled tight. Oh no, you’ll have to get up an extra five minutes early just so you have plenty of time to chase your eyelid all around your face with that eyeliner pencil. There will be plenty of time for that liquid eyeliner later, young friends. Pencil it up while your eyelid is still stationary. Trust me on this.

 

  • Stop worrying!!! God’s got this and no amount of worry from you is going to make the situation any better. Did you know that for every minute you spend worrying you get three gray hairs? I don’t think that’s true since I just made it up, but let’s pretend it is so it can help us rid ourselves of this useless sin. Deal? Great. Now stop worrying!

 

  • Okay, all you not-a-parent-yet folks, pay attention. REST NOW! RELAX NOW! Sure, sure, laugh it off, but one day, you’ll remember this and you’ll wish you’d listened.

 

  • Go to God first and not to other people when you have a problem. God already has the solution and knows every single aspect of whatever it is that you’re facing. Humans do not. Even if that person is your “person” and they know you and they know everything about you and they know all about whatever is upsetting you, they are not God. You go to Him first. You address your needs and your problem to Him, and THEN, if He feels you should seek the counsel of someone in your circle, He will prompt you to do so. God first, others second.

 

  • The less you judge others, the less you will feel judged by other people. In Luke 6:37, Jesus tells us “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn others, or it will all come back against you. Forgive others, and you will be forgiven.” and yes, in this verse He’s talking about our relationship with God. However, I 1000% believe He’s also talking about how things work on Earth, too. Being judgmental is a mindset, and if you spend your time constantly evaluating others, what they’re doing, the choices they’re making, how they look, and on and on and on, your mind will be so caught up in judgment that it will come back against you. You will feel judged in all ways and by everyone. For years I had a very judgmental attitude. I was insecure, and because of that insecurity, it made me feel better to find things in others and their lives that I felt were lacking so that I could hold that up against my own life and make my sad, self-conscious self feel better. I promise you, even if you’re doing it and don’t feel it’s on purpose, it sucks the life right out of you. Suddenly you’re even more self-conscious and insecure because you assume that everyone is doing what you’re doing and you don’t match up. Guess what…they’re not. I can testify to the truth that once you let go of that judgment and stop this cyclical, destructive thinking, you’ll feel better about yourself, your life, and the choices you make. It’s hard to do and it’s painfully slow sometimes, but it’s so very worth it.

 

  • Ever feel like you’re different than everybody else? Like they’re all in some exclusive club and you didn’t get the invite? Maybe everybody you know is married or engaged, but you’re not. Maybe you find yourself having a different thought-style than those around you. Does it ever feel like you’re just a little bit different than everybody else, too old or too young for the time in which you were born? Whatever the case, having also felt that way numerous times, let me take a moment to encourage you to stick with being yourself. Be who God is leading you to be, and if that’s not like everybody else, that’s totally fine. God has a plan for you, and if you haven’t noticed, Jesus wasn’t like everybody else either. He gets it. He’s been there. Feel free to talk to Him about it. I can guarantee you’ll feel a lot better once you do.

 

  • You can either complain or be “helpable” but you can’t be both. Fun story: in one of our first couple of years of marriage, I was unloading the dishwasher and complaining about all the stuff I did around the house, how much I was responsible for doing, etc. Basically, I was having a grand ole pity party. Nathan, however, was having none of it. When he asked me what he could do to help, when he told me that all I had to do was tell him what I needed help with and he’d do it, and all I did was brush him off and continue complaining, that was the last straw. Usually laid-back and quiet, he said in a way that can only be described as stern and authoritative: “Either take the help when it’s offered or shut up. Tell me what to do or stop griping.” Praise the Lord for His hand on me, because instead of bristling and getting defensive, I immediately saw the wisdom in what my husband was saying. As it turns out, this truth applies to many situations in life. Just like Jesus asked the man who’d been lying next to the healing pool all those years, let me put this question to you: “Do you want to get well?” In other words, do you even want your circumstances to change–are you actively trying to improve them–or do you want to just stand around and unload and complain? That wise man of mine was really onto something because it’s completely true: you can either complain or get better, but you don’t have enough energy for both. The decision is yours.

 

  • Jesus instructs us to keep the peace. This is obviously true. But some of us have confused peace-keeping and/or meekness with passivity and avoidance. Let’s just state this clearly: avoidance is NOT the same thing as peace-keeping. There’s a lot to be said about this and this post is already long enough (isn’t that right, Dad?), so let’s just leave it where it is and save unpacking this truth for a later date.

 

  • And last but not least, something I’m still working very hard every day to learn: reasoning is exhausting. There’s a reason that verse in the Bible exists that cautions us about leaning on our own understanding. Human beings don’t understand much of anything as it turns out. We can spend our time reasoning out the hows and whys of a dilemma, but it changes nothing because we don’t have that aerial view of our lives that God does. We don’t see the whole picture because we’re not Him. So I guess what I’m trying to say here is that the biggest lesson I’ve learned of all, the smartest thing I can take with me into 2018, into my next year (and decade) of life is that I am not God. You, my friend, are not God. You and I cannot do what He can do. We are not made to do what He does. Cut yourself some slack. Stop trying to do more than you’re capable of doing, and relax knowing that the One who knows EVERYTHING has you exactly where He wants you. And if you’ve gotten a little off track, He’s still there, and He can still work all you’ve done or didn’t do for your good. And one more time for good measure: You. Are not. God.

 

Take a deep breath, everyone. 2018 is going to be a good year.

Author: lindseydt

Conway, Arkansas

5 thoughts on “From Marriage To Mascara”

  1. Hey! You mentioned me by name in your blog!! How exciting.

    On the other hand, you mentioned me in almost every one of your “Life Lessons”. No, I don’t wear mascara and my uterus is in perfect shape, but most of your points hit home and I can’t deny it. I know now that I have a lot of work to do in 2018 (and beyond) to get where I need to be.

    Let me say, to me, this is your best blog yet. You gave us great things to think about and work on, plus mixing in your keen sense of humor makes for enjoyable reading. I read the whole thing in one sitting! 🙂

    Oh, and did I mention that I saw where you mentioned me by name in your blog?

    Dad

    Like

    1. I’m so happy to hear your uterus is doing well. What a load off!! 😉
      Thank you for the encouragement & kind words. I appreciate it SO much! And I KNEW you’d appreciate that mention. Stay away from that mascara. Love you bunches!

      Like

  2. Good words Lindsey. Some of the simplest things in life can teach spiritual lessons when look for them. You have truly been on a good mission to share your life lessons with others. It is so easy to forget that everyone needs spiritual wisdom as much as we do. I appreciate so much that you have such a way with words and wit to help us all walk a better road daily. 🙏🙏🙏 everyday for you and your family.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much—your encouragement & confirmations that I’m on the right thought path are so appreciated. Your prayers even more so. Love y’all! Hope you had a wonderful Christmas & are already feeling blessed in 2018.

      Like

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